Lurking behind every grandparent is the “perfect” grandparent: an outdated cultural icon who can make our lives miserable. In my case, the perfect grandma stabs me in the back when I falter or overstep her ridiculous notion of appropriate boundaries.

To escape her tyranny, I turned to books. After slogging through celebrity memoirs (way too self-congratulatory), I discovered Terri Apter's groundbreaking work. Where everyone else—including my perfect grandma—advises "zip your lip," Apter offers something radically different: understand the dynamics, then make conscious choices about how to engage.

Here's more on the book and my interview with Dr. Apter.